What Your Perfectionism Might Be Saying About You

How many times have you heard someone say,
"I’m kind of a perfectionist."
"I don’t want to show anyone my work—it’s just not quite done."
"It’s almost perfect... just not yet."

We hear these kinds of statements all the time. In a society that prizes productivity, success, and self-improvement, many of us grow up feeling an unspoken (or spoken) pressure to perform. And when we don’t quite “hit the mark,” it can feel like a reflection on our worth—not just our work.

Perfectionism isn’t just about having high standards.
It’s often about something deeper—a longing to feel loved, accepted, and enough.

If you tend to identify as a perfectionist, it’s possible that somewhere along the way, you learned that your value was tied to how well you performed. Maybe you were only praised when you succeeded—like when you scored the winning goal in soccer—but noticed that encouragement disappeared when you fell short. Or perhaps you heard comments like, “A 90% is good, but what happened to the other 10?” These subtle messages can leave a lasting impact.

Over time, this can lead to a belief that love or safety must be earned—by being impressive, flawless, or “the best.” But chasing perfection is an exhausting pursuit. It’s also an impossible one. And left unchecked, perfectionism can contribute to anxiety, depression, eating disorders, and obsessive thinking. It pulls us away from growth, creativity, connection, and peace—the very things that make life meaningful.

If this resonates, take a deep breath. You’re not alone.
Give yourself some compassion. You are worthy of love, rest, and belonging—even when things are messy or incomplete. Especially then.

By Mannon Christianson